M Zoshchenko stories read a summary. Mikhail Zoshchenko - stories for children
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Mikhail Zoshchenko
Funny stories for children (collection)
Stories about Minka's childhood
A history teacher
The history teacher calls me differently than usual. He pronounces my last name in an unpleasant tone. He deliberately squeaks and squeals when pronouncing my last name. And then all the students also begin to squeak and squeal, imitating the teacher.
I hate being called out like that. But I don’t know what needs to be done to prevent this from happening.
I stand at my desk and answer the lesson. I answer pretty well. But the lesson contains the word "banquet".
-What is a banquet? - the teacher asks me.
I know very well what a banquet is. This is lunch, food, a formal meeting at the table, in a restaurant. But I don’t know whether such an explanation can be given in relation to great historical people. Isn't this too small an explanation in terms of historical events?
- Huh? - the teacher asks, squealing. And in this “ah” I hear ridicule and disdain for me.
And, hearing this “ah,” the students also begin to squeal.
The history teacher waves his hand at me. And he gives me a bad mark. At the end of the lesson I run after the teacher. I catch up with him on the stairs. I can't say a word from excitement. I have a fever.
Seeing me in this form, the teacher says:
- At the end of the quarter I will ask you again. Let's pull the three.
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” I say. – If you call me like that again, then I... I...
- What? What's happened? - says the teacher.
“I’ll spit at you,” I mutter.
- What you said? – the teacher shouts menacingly. And, grabbing my hand, he pulls me upstairs to the director’s room. But suddenly he lets me go. He says: “Go to class.”
I go to class and expect that the director will come and kick me out of the gymnasium. But the director doesn't come.
A few days later, the history teacher calls me to the blackboard.
He quietly pronounces my last name. And when the students begin to squeal out of habit, the teacher hits the table with his fist and shouts to them:
- Be silent!
There is complete silence in the class. I mumble the task, but I'm thinking about something else. I think about this teacher who didn't complain to the principal and called me out in a different way than before. I look at him and tears appear in my eyes.
Teacher says:
- Don't worry. At least you know for a C.
He thought that I had tears in my eyes because I didn’t know the lesson well.
Storm
With my sister Lelya I walk through the field and pick flowers.
I collect yellow flowers.
Lelya collects blue ones.
Our younger sister, Yulia, is trailing behind us. She collects white flowers.
We collect this on purpose to make it more interesting to collect.
Suddenly Lelya says:
- Gentlemen, look what a cloud it is.
We look at the sky. A terrible cloud is quietly approaching. She is so black that everything around her becomes dark. She crawls like a monster, enveloping the entire sky.
Lelya says:
- Hurry home. Now there will be a terrible thunderstorm.
We are running home. But we are running towards the cloud. Right into the mouth of this monster.
Suddenly the wind blows. He spins everything around us.
Dust rises. Dry grass is flying. And the bushes and trees bend.
With all our might we run home.
The rain is already falling in large drops on our heads.
Terrible lightning and even more terrible thunder shake us. I fall to the ground and, jumping up, run again. I run as if a tiger is chasing me.
The house is so close.
I look back. Lyolya drags Yulia by the hand. Julia is roaring.
Another hundred steps and I’m on the porch.
On the porch Lelya scolds me about why I lost my yellow bouquet. But I didn't lose him, I abandoned him.
I speak:
- Since there is such a thunderstorm, why do we need bouquets?
Huddled close to each other, we sit on the bed.
A terrible thunder shakes our dacha.
The rain drums on the windows and roof.
You can't see anything from the rain.
By Grandma
We are visiting grandma. We are sitting at the table. Lunch is served.
Our grandmother is sitting next to our grandfather. Grandfather is fat and overweight. He looks like a lion. And grandma looks like a lioness.
A lion and a lioness are sitting at a table.
I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has gray hair. And a dark, amazingly beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.
They bring a bowl of soup.
It is not interesting. I'm unlikely to eat this.
But then they bring the pies. This is nothing yet.
Grandfather himself pours the soup.
As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:
- I just need one drop.
Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drops one drop of soup onto my plate.
I look at this drop in confusion.
Everyone laughs.
Grandfather says:
“He asked for one drop himself.” So I fulfilled his request.
I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I'm almost crying.
Grandma says:
- Grandpa was joking. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.
I don't give my plate and don't touch the pies.
Grandfather says to my mother:
- This is a bad child. He doesn't understand jokes.
Mom tells me:
- Well, smile at grandpa. Answer him something.
I look at my grandfather angrily. I quietly tell him:
- I will never come to you again...
I am not guilty
We go to the table and eat pancakes.
Suddenly my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I'm crying.
Father with glasses. He looks serious. Beard. Nevertheless, he laughs. He says:
– You see how greedy he is. He feels sorry for one pancake for his father.
I speak:
- One pancake, please eat. I thought you would eat everything.
They bring soup. I speak:
- Dad, do you want my soup?
Dad says:
- No, I'll wait until they bring the sweets. Now, if you give me something sweet, then you are really a good boy.
Thinking that cranberry jelly with milk for dessert, I say:
- Please. You can eat my sweets.
Suddenly they bring a cream that I am partial to.
Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:
- Please eat, if you are so greedy.
The father frowns and leaves the table.
Mother says:
- Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.
I speak:
- I will not go. I am not guilty.
I leave the table without touching the sweets.
In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer with cream in his hands.
Father says:
- Well, why didn’t you eat your cream?
I speak:
- Dad, let's eat it in half. Why should we quarrel over this?
My father kisses me and spoon-feeds me cream.
Chrolophyll
Only two subjects are interesting to me - zoology and botany. The rest is not.
However, history is also interesting to me, but not from the book we are going through.
I am very upset that I am not a good student. But I don’t know what needs to be done to prevent this from happening.
Even in botany I got a C. And I know this subject very well. I read a lot of books and even made a herbarium - an album in which leaves, flowers and herbs were pasted.
The botany teacher is telling something in class. Then he says:
- Why are the leaves green? Who knows?
There is silence in the class.
“I’ll give an A to the one who knows,” says the teacher.
I know why the leaves are green, but I am silent. I don't want to be an upstart. Let the first students answer. Besides, I don't need an A. That she will be the only one hanging around among my twos and threes? It's comical.
The teacher calls the first student. But he doesn't know.
Then I casually raise my hand.
“Oh, that’s how it is,” says the teacher, “you know.” Well, tell me.
“The leaves are green,” I say, “because they contain the coloring substance chlorophyll.”
Teacher says:
“Before I give you an A, I have to find out why you didn’t raise your hand right away.”
I'm silent. This is very difficult to answer.
- Maybe you didn’t remember right away? - asks the teacher.
- No, I remembered right away.
– Maybe you wanted to be taller than the first students?
I'm silent. Shaking his head reproachfully, the teacher gives an “A”.
In the zoological garden
Mother holds my hand. We are walking along the path.
Mother says:
“We’ll see the animals later.” First there will be a competition for children.
We're going to the site. There are a lot of children there.
Each child is given a bag. You need to get into this bag and tie it on your chest.
Here are the bags tied. And the children in bags are placed on a white line.
Someone waves a flag and shouts: “Run!”
Tangled in bags, we run. Many children fall and cry. Some of them get up and run on crying.
I almost fall too. But then, having managed, I quickly move in this bag of mine.
I'm the first to approach the table. Music is playing. And everyone claps. And they give me a box of marmalade, a flag and a picture book.
I walk up to my mother, clutching the gifts to my chest.
On the bench, mom cleans me up. She combs my hair and wipes my dirty face with a handkerchief.
After that we go to see the monkeys.
I wonder if monkeys eat marmalade? We need to treat them.
I want to treat the monkeys with marmalade, but suddenly I see that I don’t have a box in my hands...
Mom says:
– We probably left the box on the bench.
I run to the bench. But my box of marmalade is no longer there.
I cry so much that the monkeys pay attention to me.
Mom says:
“They probably stole our box.” It's okay, I'll buy you another one.
- I want this one! - I shout so loudly that the tiger flinches and the elephant raises its trunk.
So simple
We are sitting in a cart. A reddish peasant horse runs briskly along a dusty road.
The owner's son Vasyutka rules the horse. He casually holds the reins in his hands and from time to time shouts at the horse:
- Well, well, go... I fell asleep...
The little horse has not fallen asleep at all, she is running well. But that's probably how you're supposed to shout.
My hands are burning - I want to hold the reins, correct them and shout at the horse. But I don’t dare ask Vasyutka about this.
Suddenly Vasyutka himself says:
- Come on, hold the reins. I'll smoke.
Sister Lelya says to Vasyutka:
- No, don't give him the reins. He doesn't know how to rule.
Vasyutka says:
– What do you mean – he can’t? There is nothing to be able to do here.
And now the reins are in my hands. I hold them at arm's length.
Holding tightly to the cart, Lelya says:
- Well, now there will be a story - he will certainly overthrow us.
At this moment the cart bounces on a bump.
Lelya screams:
- I see. Now she will turn us around.
I also suspect that the cart will tip over, since the reins are in my inept hands. But no, having jumped on a bump, the cart rolls smoothly further.
Proud of my success, I pat the horse’s sides with the reins and shout: “Well, she’s asleep!”
Suddenly I see a turn in the road.
Hastily I ask Vasyutka:
-Which rein should I pull so that the horse runs to the right?
Vasyutka calmly says:
- Pull the right one.
- How many times do you pull the right one? - I ask.
Vasyutka shrugs:
- Once.
I pull the right rein, and suddenly, like in a fairy tale, the horse runs to the right.
But for some reason I’m upset and annoyed. So simple. I thought it was much more difficult to control a horse. I thought there was a whole science here that needed to be studied for years. And here is such nonsense.
I hand over the reins to Vasyutka. Not particularly interesting.
Lelya and Minka
Christmas tree
This year, guys, I turned forty years old. This means that I have seen the New Year tree forty times. It's a lot!
Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably didn’t understand what a Christmas tree was. My mother probably carried me in her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked without interest at the decorated tree.
And when I, children, turned five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree was.
And I was looking forward to this joyful holiday. And I even spied through the crack of the door as my mother decorated the Christmas tree.
And my sister Lelya was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl.
She once told me:
- Minka, mom went to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree is and see what's going on there.
So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: a very beautiful tree. And there are gifts under the tree. And on the tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, lozenges and Crimean apples.
My sister Lelya says:
- Let's not look at the gifts. Instead, let's eat one lozenge at a time.
And so she approaches the tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread.
I speak:
- Lelya, if you ate a lozenge, then I’ll eat something too now.
And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of apple.
Lelya says:
- Minka, if you took a bite of the apple, then I’ll now eat another lozenge and, in addition, I’ll take this candy for myself.
And Lelya was a very tall, long-knitted girl. And she could reach high.
She stood on her tiptoes and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth.
And I was surprisingly short. And it was almost impossible for me to get anything except one apple that hung low.
I speak:
- If you, Lelishcha, ate the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again.
And I again take this apple with my hands and again bite it a little.
Lelya says:
“If you took a second bite of the apple, then I won’t stand on ceremony any more and will now eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I’ll take a cracker and a nut as a souvenir.”
Then I almost started crying. Because she could reach everything, but I couldn’t.
I tell her:
- And I, Lelishcha, how will I put a chair by the tree and how will I get myself something besides an apple.
And so I began to pull a chair towards the tree with my thin hands. But the chair fell on me. I wanted to pick up a chair. But he fell again. And straight for gifts.
Lelya says:
- Minka, it seems you broke the doll. This is true. You took the porcelain hand from the doll.
Then my mother’s steps were heard, and Lelya and I ran into another room.
Lelya says:
“Now, Minka, I can’t guarantee that your mother won’t put up with you.”
I wanted to roar, but at that moment the guests arrived. Many children with their parents.
And then our mother lit all the candles on the tree, opened the door and said:
- Everyone come in.
And all the children entered the room where the Christmas tree stood.
Our mom says:
– Now let each child come up to me, and I will give each one a toy and a treat.
And so the children began to approach our mother. And she gave everyone a toy. Then she took an apple, a lozenge and a candy from the tree and also gave it to the child.
And all the children were very happy. Then my mother took in her hands the apple that I had bitten off and said:
- Lelya and Minka, come here. Which of you two took a bite of this apple?
Lelya said:
– This is Minka’s work.
I pulled Lelya’s pigtail and said:
“Lyolka taught me this.”
Mom says:
“I’ll put Lyolya in the corner with her nose, and I wanted to give you a wind-up little train.” But now I will give this winding little train to the boy to whom I wanted to give the bitten apple.
And she took the train and gave it to one four-year-old boy. And he immediately began to play with him.
And I got angry at this boy and hit him on the hand with a toy. And he roared so desperately that his own mother took him in her arms and said:
- From now on, I will not come to visit you with my boy.
And I said:
– You can leave, and then the train will remain for me.
And that mother was surprised at my words and said:
- Your boy will probably be a robber.
And then my mother took me in her arms and said to that mother:
“Don’t you dare talk about my boy like that.” Better leave with your scrofulous child and never come to us again.
And that mother said:
- I will do so. Hanging around with you is like sitting in nettles.
And then another, third mother, said:
- And I will leave too. My girl didn't deserve to be given a doll with a broken arm.
And my sister Lelya screamed:
“You can also leave with your scrofulous child.” And then the doll with the broken arm will be left to me.
And then I, sitting in my mother’s arms, shouted:
- In general, you can all leave, and then all the toys will remain for us.
And then all the guests began to leave.
And our mother was surprised that we were left alone.
But suddenly our dad entered the room.
He said:
“This kind of upbringing is ruining my children.” I don't want them to fight, quarrel and kick guests out. It will be difficult for them to live in the world, and they will die alone.
And dad went to the tree and put out all the candles. Then he said:
- Go to bed immediately. And tomorrow I will give all the toys to the guests.
And now, guys, thirty-five years have passed since then, and I still remember this tree well.
And in all these thirty-five years, I, children, have never again eaten someone else’s apple and never once hit someone who is weaker than me. And now the doctors say that this is why I am so relatively cheerful and good-natured.
Do not lie
I studied for a very long time. There were still gymnasiums back then. And the teachers then put marks in the diary for each lesson asked. They gave any score - from five to one inclusive.
And I was very small when I entered the gymnasium, the preparatory class. I was only seven years old.
And I still didn’t know anything about what happens in gymnasiums. And for the first three months I literally walked around in a fog.
And then one day the teacher told us to memorize a poem:
The moon shines merrily over the village,
White snow sparkles with blue light...
But I didn’t memorize this poem. I didn't hear what the teacher said. I didn’t hear because the boys who were sitting behind either slapped me on the back of the head with a book, or smeared ink on my ear, or pulled my hair, and when I jumped up in surprise, they placed a pencil or insert under me. And for this reason, I sat in class, frightened and even stunned, and all the time I listened to what else the boys sitting behind me were planning against me.
And the next day, as luck would have it, the teacher called me and ordered me to recite the assigned poem by heart.
And I not only didn’t know him, but I didn’t even suspect that there were such poems in the world. But out of timidity, I did not dare to tell the teacher that I did not know these verses. And completely stunned, he stood at his desk, not saying a word.
But then the boys began to suggest these poems to me. And thanks to this, I began to babble what they whispered to me.
And at this time I had a chronic runny nose, and I couldn’t hear well in one ear and therefore had difficulty understanding what they were telling me.
I somehow managed to pronounce the first lines. But when it came to the phrase: “The cross under the clouds burns like a candle,” I said: “The crackling under the clouds hurts like a candle.”
Here there was laughter among the students. And the teacher laughed too. He said:
- Come on, give me your diary here! I'll put a unit there for you.
And I cried, because it was my first unit and I didn’t yet know what happened.
After classes, my sister Lelya came to pick me up to go home together.
On the way, I took the diary out of my backpack, unfolded it to the page where the unit was written, and said to Lelya:
- Lelya, look, what is this? The teacher gave me this for the poem “The moon shines merrily over the village.”
Lelya looked and laughed. She said:
- Minka, this is bad! It was your teacher who gave you a bad grade in Russian. This is so bad that I doubt that dad will give you a photographic device for your name day, which will be in two weeks.
I said:
- What should we do?
Lelya said:
– One of our students took and glued two pages in her diary, where she had a unit. Her dad drooled on his fingers, but couldn’t peel it off and never saw what was there.
I said:
- Lyolya, it’s not good to deceive your parents!
Lelya laughed and went home. And in a sad mood I went into the city garden, sat down on a bench there and, unfolding the diary, looked with horror at the unit.
I sat in the garden for a long time. Then I went home. But when I approached the house, I suddenly remembered that I had left my diary on a bench in the garden. I ran back. But in the garden on the bench there was no longer my diary. At first I was scared, and then I was glad that now I no longer have the diary with this terrible unit with me.
I came home and told my father that I had lost my diary. And Lelya laughed and winked at me when she heard these words of mine.
The next day, the teacher, having learned that I had lost the diary, gave me a new one.
I opened this new diary with the hope that this time there was nothing bad there, but there again there was a one against the Russian language, even more bold than before.
And then I felt so frustrated and so angry that I threw this diary behind the bookcase that stood in our classroom.
Two days later, the teacher, having learned that I did not have this diary, filled out a new one. And, in addition to a one in the Russian language, he gave me a two in behavior. And he told my father to definitely look at my diary.
When I met Lelya after class, she told me:
– It won’t be a lie if we temporarily seal the page. And a week after your name day, when you receive the camera, we will peel it off and show dad what was there.
I really wanted to get a photographic camera, and Lelya and I taped up the corners of the ill-fated page of the diary.
In the evening dad said:
- Come on, show me your diary! Interesting to know if you picked up any units?
Dad began to look at the diary, but did not see anything bad there, because the page was taped over.
And when dad was looking at my diary, suddenly someone rang on the stairs.
Some woman came and said:
– The other day I was walking in the city garden and there on a bench I found a diary. I recognized the address from his last name and brought it to you so that you could tell me if your son had lost this diary.
Dad looked at the diary and, seeing one there, understood everything.
He didn't yell at me. He just said quietly:
– People who lie and deceive are funny and comical, because sooner or later their lies will always be revealed. And there was never a case in the world where any of the lies remained unknown.
I, red as a lobster, stood in front of dad, and I was ashamed of his quiet words.
I said:
- Here's what: I threw another one of my, the third, diary with a unit behind a bookcase at school.
Instead of getting even more angry with me, dad smiled and beamed. He grabbed me in his arms and started kissing me.
He said:
“The fact that you admitted this made me extremely happy.” You confessed something that could have remained unknown for a long time. And this gives me hope that you won’t lie anymore. And for this I will give you a camera.
When Lyolya heard these words, she thought that dad had gone crazy in his mind and now gives everyone gifts not for A's, but for un's.
And then Lelya came up to dad and said:
“Daddy, I also got a bad grade in physics today because I didn’t learn my lesson.”
But Lelya’s expectations were not met. Dad got angry with her, kicked her out of his room and told her to sit down with her books immediately.
And then in the evening, when we were going to bed, the bell suddenly rang.
It was my teacher who came to dad. And he said to him:
– Today we were cleaning our classroom, and behind the bookcase we found your son’s diary. How do you like this little liar and deceiver who left his diary so that you would not see him?
Dad said:
– I have already personally heard about this diary from my son. He himself admitted this act to me. So there is no reason to think that my son is an incorrigible liar and deceiver.
The teacher told dad:
- Oh, that's how it is. You already know this. In this case, it is a misunderstanding. Sorry. Good night.
And I, lying in my bed, hearing these words, cried bitterly. And he promised himself to always tell the truth.
And this is indeed what I always do now.
Ah, sometimes it can be very difficult, but my heart is cheerful and calm.
Attention! This is an introductory fragment of the book.
If you liked the beginning of the book, then the full version can be purchased from our partner - the distributor of legal content, LitRes LLC.
Do not lie
I studied for a very long time. There were still gymnasiums back then. And the teachers then put marks in the diary for each lesson asked. They gave any score - from five to one inclusive.
And I was very small when I entered the gymnasium, the preparatory class. I was only seven years old.
And I still didn’t know anything about what happens in gymnasiums. And for the first three months I literally walked around in a fog.
And then one day the teacher told us to memorize a poem:
The moon shines merrily over the village,
White snow sparkles with blue light...
But I didn’t memorize this poem. I didn't hear what the teacher said. I didn’t hear because the boys who were sitting behind either slapped me on the back of the head with a book, then smeared ink on my ear, then pulled my hair and, when I jumped up in surprise, they placed a pencil or insert under me. And for this reason, I sat in class, frightened and even stunned, and all the time I listened to what else the boys sitting behind me were planning against me.
And the next day, as luck would have it, the teacher called me and ordered me to recite the assigned poem by heart.
And I not only didn’t know him, but I didn’t even suspect that there were such poems in the world. But out of timidity, I did not dare to tell the teacher that I did not know these verses. And completely stunned, he stood at his desk, not saying a word.
But then the boys began to suggest these poems to me. And thanks to this, I began to babble what they whispered to me.
And at this time I had a chronic runny nose, and I couldn’t hear well in one ear and therefore had difficulty understanding what they were telling me.
I somehow managed to pronounce the first lines. But when it came to the phrase: “The cross under the clouds burns like a candle,” I said: “The crackling sound under the boots hurts like a candle.”
Here there was laughter among the students. And the teacher laughed too. He said:
- Come on, give me your diary here! I'll put a unit there for you.
And I cried, because it was my first unit and I didn’t yet know what happened.
After class, my sister Lelya came to pick me up to go home together.
On the way, I took the diary out of my backpack, unfolded it to the page where the unit was written, and said to Lele:
- Lelya, look, what is this? The teacher gave me this for the poem “The moon shines merrily over the village.”
Lelya looked and laughed. She said:
- Minka, this is bad! It was your teacher who gave you a bad grade in Russian. This is so bad that I doubt that dad will give you a photographic device for your name day, which will be in two weeks.
I said:
- What should we do?
Lelya said:
- One of our students took and glued two pages in her diary, where she had a unit. Her dad drooled on his fingers, but couldn’t peel it off and never saw what was there.
I said:
- Lelya, it’s not good to deceive your parents!
Lelya laughed and went home. And in a sad mood I went into the city garden, sat down on a bench there and, unfolding the diary, looked with horror at the unit.
I sat in the garden for a long time. Then I went home. But when I approached the house, I suddenly remembered that I had left my diary on a bench in the garden. I ran back. But in the garden on the bench there was no longer my diary. At first I was scared, and then I was glad that now I no longer have the diary with this terrible unit with me.
I came home and told my father that I had lost my diary. And Lelya laughed and winked at me when she heard these words of mine.
The next day, the teacher, having learned that I had lost the diary, gave me a new one.
I opened this new diary with the hope that this time there was nothing bad there, but there again there was a one against the Russian language, even more bold than before.
And then I felt so frustrated and so angry that I threw this diary behind the bookcase that stood in our classroom.
Two days later, the teacher, having learned that I did not have this diary, filled out a new one. And, in addition to a one in the Russian language, he gave me a two in behavior. And he told my father to definitely look at my diary.
When I met Lelya after class, she told me:
- It won't be a lie if we temporarily seal the page. And a week after your name day, when you receive the camera, we will peel it off and show dad what was there.
I really wanted to get a photographic camera, and Lelya and I taped up the corners of the ill-fated page of the diary.
In the evening dad said:
- Come on, show me your diary! Interesting to know if you picked up any units?
Dad began to look at the diary, but did not see anything bad there, because the page was taped over.
And when dad was looking at my diary, suddenly someone rang on the stairs.
Some woman came and said:
- The other day I was walking in the city garden and there on a bench I found a diary. I recognized the address from his last name and brought it to you so that you could tell me if your son had lost this diary.
Dad looked at the diary and, seeing one there, understood everything.
He didn't yell at me. He just said quietly:
- People who lie and deceive are funny and comical, because sooner or later their lies will always be revealed. And there was never a case in the world where any of the lies remained unknown.
I, red as a lobster, stood in front of dad, and I was ashamed of his quiet words.
I said:
- Here's what: I threw another one of my, the third, diary with a unit behind a bookcase at school.
Instead of getting even more angry with me, dad smiled and beamed. He grabbed me in his arms and started kissing me.
He said:
“The fact that you admitted this made me extremely happy.” You confessed something that could have remained unknown for a long time. And this gives me hope that you won’t lie anymore. And for this I will give you a camera.
When Lelya heard these words, she thought that dad had gone crazy in his mind and now gives everyone gifts not for A's, but for ones'.
And then Lelya came up to dad and said:
- Daddy, I also got a bad mark in physics today because I didn’t learn the lesson.
But Lelya’s expectations were not met. Dad got angry with her, kicked her out of his room and told her to sit down with her books immediately.
And then in the evening, when we were going to bed, the bell suddenly rang.
It was my teacher who came to dad. And he said to him:
- Today we were cleaning our classroom, and behind the bookcase we found your son’s diary. How do you like this little liar and deceiver who left his diary so that you would not see him?
Dad said:
- I have already personally heard about this diary from my son. He himself admitted this act to me. So there is no reason to think that my son is an incorrigible liar and deceiver.
The teacher told dad:
- Oh, that's how it is. You already know this. In this case, it is a misunderstanding. Sorry. Good night.
And I, lying in my bed, hearing these words, cried bitterly. And he promised himself to always tell the truth.
And this is indeed what I always do now.
Ah, sometimes it can be very difficult, but my heart is cheerful and calm.
Stupid story
Petya was not such a little boy. He was four years old. But his mother considered him a very tiny child. She spoon-fed him, took him for walks by the hand, and dressed him herself in the morning.
One day Petya woke up in his bed. And his mother began to dress him. So she dressed him and put him on his legs near the bed. But Petya suddenly fell. Mom thought he was being naughty and put him back on his feet. But he fell again. Mom was surprised and placed it near the crib for the third time. But the child fell again.
Mom got scared and called dad at the service on the phone.
She told dad:
- Come home quickly. Something happened to our boy - he can’t stand on his legs.
So dad comes and says:
- Nonsense. Our boy walks and runs well, and it is impossible for him to fall.
And he immediately puts the boy on the carpet. The boy wants to go to his toys, but again, for the fourth time, he falls.
Dad says:
- We need to call the doctor quickly. Our boy must have fallen ill. He probably ate too much candy yesterday.
The doctor was called.
A doctor comes in with glasses and a pipe. The doctor says to Petya:
- What kind of news is this! Why are you falling?
Petya says:
- I don’t know why, but I’m falling a little.
The doctor says to mom:
- Come on, undress this child, I’ll examine him now.
Mom undressed Petya, and the doctor began to listen to him.
The doctor listened to him through the tube and said:
- The child is completely healthy. And it’s surprising why it falls for you. Come on, put him on again and put him on his feet.
So the mother quickly dresses the boy and puts him on the floor.
And the doctor puts glasses on his nose to better see how the boy falls.
As soon as the boy was put on his feet, he suddenly fell again.
The doctor was surprised and said:
- Call the professor. Maybe the professor will figure out why this child is falling.
Dad went to call the professor, and at that moment a little boy Kolya comes to visit Petya.
Kolya looked at Petya, laughed and said:
- And I know why Petya falls.
Doctor says:
- Look, what a learned little one there is - he knows better than me why children fall.
Kolya says:
- Look how Petya is dressed. One of his trouser legs is dangling, and both legs are stuck in the other. That's why he falls.
Here everyone oohed and groaned.
Petya says:
- It was my mother who dressed me.
Doctor says:
- No need to call the professor. Now we understand why the child falls.
Mom says:
“In the morning I was in a hurry to cook porridge for him, but now I was very worried, and that’s why I put his pants on so wrong.”
Kolya says:
“But I always dress myself, and such nonsense with my legs doesn’t happen.” Adults always get things wrong.
Petya says:
- Now I will also dress myself.
Then everyone laughed. And the doctor laughed. He said goodbye to everyone, and he also said goodbye to Kolya. And he went about his business. Dad went to work.
Mom went to the kitchen. And Kolya and Petya remained in the room. And they started playing with toys.
And the next day Petya put on his pants himself, and no more stupid stories happened to him.
In the zoological garden
Mother holds my hand. We are walking along the path.
Mother says:
“We’ll see the animals later.” First there will be a competition for children.
We're going to the site. There are a lot of children there.
Each child is given a bag. You need to get into this bag and tie it on your chest.
Here are the bags tied. And the children in bags are placed on a white line.
Someone waves a flag and shouts: “Run!”
Tangled in bags, we run. Many children fall and cry. Some of them get up and run on crying.
I almost fall too. But then, having managed, I quickly move in this bag of mine.
I'm the first to approach the table. Music is playing. And everyone claps. And they give me a box of marmalade, a flag and a picture book. I walk up to my mother, clutching the gifts to my chest.
On the bench, mom cleans me up. She combs my hair and wipes my dirty face with a handkerchief.
After that we go to see the monkeys.
I wonder if monkeys eat marmalade? We need to treat them.
I want to treat the monkeys with marmalade, but suddenly I see that I don’t have a box in my hands...
Mom says:
– We probably left the box on the bench.
I run to the bench. But my box of marmalade is no longer there.
I cry so much that the monkeys pay attention to me.
Mom says:
“They probably stole our box.” It's okay, I'll buy you another one.
- I want this one! - I shout so loudly that the tiger flinches and the elephant raises its trunk
Storm
With my sister Lelya I walk through the field and pick flowers.
I collect yellow flowers.
Lelya collects blue ones.
Our younger sister, Yulia, is trailing behind us. She collects white flowers.
We collect this on purpose to make it more interesting to collect.
Suddenly Lelya says:
- Gentlemen, look what a cloud it is.
We look at the sky. A terrible cloud is quietly approaching. She is so black that everything around her becomes dark. She crawls like a monster, enveloping the entire sky.
Lelya says:
- Hurry home. Now there will be a terrible thunderstorm.
We are running home. But we are running towards the cloud. Right into the mouth of this monster.
Suddenly the wind blows. He spins everything around us.
Dust rises. Dry grass is flying. And the bushes and trees bend.
With all our might we run home.
The rain is already falling in large drops on our heads.
Terrible lightning and even more terrible thunder shake us. I fall to the ground and, jumping up, run again. I run as if a tiger is chasing me.
The house is so close.
I look back. Lyolya drags Yulia by the hand. Julia is roaring.
Another hundred steps and I’m on the porch.
On the porch Lelya scolds me about why I lost my yellow bouquet. But I didn't lose him, I abandoned him.
I speak:
- Since there is such a thunderstorm, why do we need bouquets?
Huddled close to each other, we sit on the bed.
A terrible thunder shakes our dacha.
The rain drums on the windows and roof.
You can't see anything from the rain.
Coward Vasya
Vasya's father was a blacksmith.
He worked in a forge. He made horseshoes, hammers and hatchets there.
And every day he rode to the forge on his horse. He had, wow, a nice black horse. He harnessed her to the cart and drove off. And in the evening he returned.
And his son, a six-year-old boy named Vasya, loved to ride a little.
Father, for example, comes home, gets off the cart, and Vasyutka immediately gets into it and rides all the way to the forest.
And his father, of course, did not allow him to do this.
And the horse didn’t really allow it either. And when Vasyutka climbed into the cart, the horse looked askance at him. And she waved her tail, saying, boy, get off my cart. But Vasya lashed the horse with a rod, and then it was a little painful, and it ran quietly.
Then one evening my father returned home. Vasya climbed into the cart, whipped the horse with a rod and rode out of the yard for a ride.
And today he was in a fighting mood - he wanted to ride further.
And so he rides through the woods and whips his black horse so that he runs faster.
Suddenly, you know, someone will hit Vasya on the back!
Vasyutka jumped up in surprise. He thought that it was his father who caught up with him and whipped him with a rod - why did he leave without asking.
Vasya looked around. He sees that there is no one.
Then he whipped the horse again. But then, for the second time, someone again hits him on the back!
Vasya looked back again. No, he looks, there’s no one there. What miracles are in the sieve?
Vasya thinks:
“Oh, who’s hitting me on the neck if there’s no one around!”
But I must tell you that when Vasya was driving through the forest, a large branch from a tree got into the wheel. She grabbed the wheel tightly. And as soon as the wheel turns around, the branch, of course, slaps Vasya on the back.
But Vasya doesn’t see this. Because it's already dark. And, in addition, he was a little scared. And he didn’t want to look around.
The branch hit Vasya for the third time and he became even more frightened.
He thinks:
“Oh, maybe the horse is hitting me. Maybe she somehow grabbed the rod with her muzzle and, in turn, whips me too.”
Here he even moved a little away from the horse.
As soon as he moved away, the branch lashed Vasya not on his back, but on the back of his head.
Vasya dropped the reins and started screaming in fear.
And the horse, don’t be a fool, turned back and set off as fast as it could towards the house.
And the wheel will spin even more. And the branch will begin to whip Vasya even more often.
Here, you know, not only the little ones, but also the big ones can get scared.
Here the horse is galloping. And Vasya lies in the cart and screams with all his might. And the branch hits him - first on the back, then on the legs, then on the back of the head.
Vasya shouts:
- Oh, dad! Oh, mom! The horse is hitting me!
But then suddenly the horse drove up to the house and stopped in the yard.
And Vasyutka is lying in the cart and is afraid to go. He lies there, you know, and doesn’t want to eat. The father came to unharness the horse. And then Vasyutka crawled off the cart. And then he suddenly saw a branch in the wheel that was hitting him.
Vasya unhooked the branch from the wheel and wanted to hit the horse with this branch. But the father said:
- Stop your stupid habit of beating a horse. She is smarter than you and understands well what she needs to do.
Then Vasya, scratching his back, went home and went to bed. And at night he had a dream that a horse came to him and said:
- Well, little coward, did you go for a ride?
In the morning Vasya woke up and went to the river to catch fish.
Current page: 1 (book has 3 pages in total)
Mikhail Mikhailovich Zoshchenko
Stories for children
© Zoshchenko M.M., inheritance, 2016
© Andreev A.S., ill., 2016
© AST Publishing House LLC, 2016
* * *
Lelya and Minka
Christmas tree
This year, guys, I turned forty years old. This means that I have seen the New Year tree forty times. It's a lot!
Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably didn’t understand what a Christmas tree was. My mother probably carried me in her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked without interest at the decorated tree.
And when I, children, turned five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree was.
And I was looking forward to this joyful holiday. And I even spied through the crack of the door as my mother decorated the Christmas tree.
And my sister Lelya was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl.
She once told me:
- Minka, mom went to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree is and see what's going on there.
So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: a very beautiful tree. And there are gifts under the tree. And on the tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, lozenges and Crimean apples.
My sister Lelya says:
- Let's not look at the gifts. Instead, let's eat one lozenge at a time.
And so she approaches the tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread.
I speak:
- Lelya, if you ate a lozenge, then I’ll eat something too now.
And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of apple.
Lelya says:
- Minka, if you took a bite of the apple, then I’ll now eat another lozenge and, in addition, I’ll take this candy for myself.
And Lelya was a very tall, long-knitted girl. And she could reach high.
She stood on her tiptoes and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth.
And I was surprisingly short. And it was almost impossible for me to get anything except one apple that hung low.
I speak:
- If you, Lelishcha, ate the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again.
And I again take this apple with my hands and again bite it a little.
Lelya says:
“If you took a second bite of the apple, then I won’t stand on ceremony any more and will now eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I’ll take a cracker and a nut as a souvenir.”
Then I almost started crying. Because she could reach everything, but I couldn’t.
I tell her:
- And I, Lelishcha, how will I put a chair by the tree and how will I get myself something besides an apple.
And so I began to pull a chair towards the tree with my thin hands. But the chair fell on me. I wanted to pick up a chair. But he fell again. And straight for gifts.
Lelya says:
- Minka, it seems you broke the doll. This is true. You took the porcelain hand from the doll.
Then my mother’s steps were heard, and Lelya and I ran into another room.
Lelya says:
“Now, Minka, I can’t guarantee that your mother won’t put up with you.”
I wanted to roar, but at that moment the guests arrived. Many children with their parents.
And then our mother lit all the candles on the tree, opened the door and said:
- Everyone come in.
And all the children entered the room where the Christmas tree stood.
Our mom says:
– Now let each child come up to me, and I will give each one a toy and a treat.
And so the children began to approach our mother. And she gave everyone a toy. Then she took an apple, a lozenge and a candy from the tree and also gave it to the child.
And all the children were very happy. Then my mother took in her hands the apple that I had bitten off and said:
- Lelya and Minka, come here. Which of you two took a bite of this apple?
Lelya said:
– This is Minka’s work.
I pulled Lelya’s pigtail and said:
“Lyolka taught me this.”
Mom says:
“I’ll put Lyolya in the corner with her nose, and I wanted to give you a wind-up little train.” But now I will give this winding little train to the boy to whom I wanted to give the bitten apple.
And she took the train and gave it to one four-year-old boy. And he immediately began to play with him.
And I got angry at this boy and hit him on the hand with a toy. And he roared so desperately that his own mother took him in her arms and said:
- From now on, I will not come to visit you with my boy.
And I said:
– You can leave, and then the train will remain for me.
And that mother was surprised at my words and said:
- Your boy will probably be a robber.
And then my mother took me in her arms and said to that mother:
“Don’t you dare talk about my boy like that.” Better leave with your scrofulous child and never come to us again.
And that mother said:
- I will do so. Hanging around with you is like sitting in nettles.
And then another, third mother, said:
- And I will leave too. My girl didn't deserve to be given a doll with a broken arm.
And my sister Lelya screamed:
“You can also leave with your scrofulous child.” And then the doll with the broken arm will be left to me.
And then I, sitting in my mother’s arms, shouted:
- In general, you can all leave, and then all the toys will remain for us.
And then all the guests began to leave.
And our mother was surprised that we were left alone.
But suddenly our dad entered the room.
He said:
“This kind of upbringing is ruining my children.” I don't want them to fight, quarrel and kick guests out. It will be difficult for them to live in the world, and they will die alone.
And dad went to the tree and put out all the candles. Then he said:
- Go to bed immediately. And tomorrow I will give all the toys to the guests.
And now, guys, thirty-five years have passed since then, and I still remember this tree well.
And in all these thirty-five years, I, children, have never again eaten someone else’s apple and never once hit someone who is weaker than me. And now the doctors say that this is why I am so relatively cheerful and good-natured.
Gold words
When I was little, I really loved having dinner with adults. And my sister Lelya also loved such dinners no less than me.
Firstly, a variety of food was placed on the table. And this aspect of the matter especially seduced Lelya and me.
Secondly, the adults each time told interesting facts from their lives. And this amused Lelya and me.
Of course, the first time we were quiet at the table. But then they became bolder. Lelya began to interfere in conversations. She chattered endlessly. And I also sometimes inserted my comments.
Our remarks made the guests laugh. And at first mom and dad were even pleased that the guests saw such our intelligence and such our development.
But then this is what happened at one dinner.
Dad's boss began to tell some incredible story about how he saved a fireman. This fireman seemed to have died in a fire. And daddy's boss pulled him out of the fire.
It is possible that there was such a fact, but only Lelya and I did not like this story.
And Lelya sat as if on pins and needles. In addition, she remembered one story like this, but even more interesting. And she wanted to tell this story as quickly as possible, so as not to forget it.
But my father’s boss, as luck would have it, spoke extremely slowly. And Lelya could not stand it any longer.
Waving her hand in his direction, she said:
- What's this! There’s a girl in our yard...
Lelya did not finish her thought because her mother shushed her. And dad looked at her sternly.
Dad's boss turned red with anger. He felt unpleasant that Lelya said about his story: “What is this!”
Turning to our parents, he said:
– I don’t understand why you put children with adults. They interrupt me. And now I have lost the thread of my story. Where did I stop?
Lyolya, wanting to make amends for the incident, said:
– You stopped at how the distraught fireman said “mercy” to you. But it’s just strange that he could say anything at all, since he was mad and lay unconscious... Here we have one girl in the yard...
Lyolya again did not finish her memories because she received a spanking from her mother.
The guests smiled. And daddy’s boss turned even redder with anger.
Seeing that things were bad, I decided to improve the situation. I told Lela:
“There’s nothing strange in what dad’s boss said.” Look how crazy they are, Lelya. Although the other burnt-out firefighters are lying unconscious, they can still speak. They are delirious. And they say without knowing what. So he said, “Merci.” And he himself, perhaps, wanted to say “guard.”
The guests laughed. And my father’s boss, shaking with anger, said to my parents:
– You are raising your children poorly. They literally don’t let me say a word—they interrupt me all the time with stupid remarks.
Grandmother, who was sitting at the end of the table by the samovar, said angrily, looking at Lelya:
- Look, instead of repenting of her behavior, this person started eating again. Look, she hasn’t even lost her appetite - she eats for two...
- They carry water for angry people.
Grandmother did not hear these words. But dad’s boss, who was sitting next to Lelya, took these words personally.
He gasped in surprise when he heard this.
Turning to our parents, he said this:
– Every time I get ready to visit you and remember about your children, I really don’t feel like going to you.
Dad said:
– Due to the fact that the children really behaved extremely cheekily and thus they did not live up to our hopes, I forbid them from this day on to have dinner with adults. Let them finish their tea and go to their room.
After finishing the sardines, Lelya and I left amid the cheerful laughter and jokes of the guests.
And since then, we haven’t sat down with adults for two months.
And two months later, Lelya and I began to beg our father to allow us to have dinner with adults again. And our father, who was in a great mood that day, said:
“Okay, I’ll allow you to do this, but I categorically forbid you to say anything at the table.” One word of yours spoken out loud and you won’t sit at the table again.
And so, one fine day we are back at the table, having dinner with adults.
This time we sit quietly and silently. We know dad's character. We know that if we say even half a word, our father will never again allow us to sit with adults.
But Lelya and I do not yet suffer much from this prohibition to speak. Lelya and I eat for four and laugh among ourselves. We believe that adults even made a mistake by not allowing us to speak. Our mouths, free from talking, are completely occupied with food.
Lelya and I ate everything we could and switched to sweets.
After eating sweets and drinking tea, Lelya and I decided to go around the second circle - we decided to repeat the meal from the very beginning, especially since our mother, seeing that the table was almost clean, brought new food.
I took the bun and cut off a piece of butter. And the oil was completely frozen - they had just taken it out from behind the window.
I wanted to spread this frozen butter on a bun. But I couldn't do it. It was like stone.
And then I put the oil on the tip of the knife and began to heat it over the tea.
And since I had drunk my tea a long time ago, I began to heat this oil over the glass of my father’s boss, with whom I was sitting next.
Dad’s boss was saying something and didn’t pay attention to me.
Meanwhile, the knife warmed over the tea. The butter has melted a little. I wanted to spread it on the bun and already began to move my hand away from the glass. But then my butter suddenly slipped off the knife and fell straight into the tea.
I was frozen with fear.
I looked with wide eyes at the butter that splashed into the hot tea.
Then I looked around. But none of the guests noticed the incident.
Only Lelya saw what happened.
She began to laugh, looking first at me and then at the glass of tea.
But she laughed even more when dad’s boss, while telling something, began stirring his tea with a spoon.
He stirred it for a long time, so that all the butter melted without a trace. And now the tea tasted like chicken broth.
Dad's boss took the glass in his hand and began to bring it to his mouth.
And although Lyolya was extremely interested in what would happen next and what daddy’s boss would do when he swallowed this drink, she was still a little scared. And she even opened her mouth to shout to her father’s boss: “Don’t drink!”
But, looking at dad and remembering that she couldn’t speak, she remained silent.
And I didn't say anything either. I just waved my hands and, without looking up, began to look into the mouth of my father’s boss.
Meanwhile, Dad’s boss raised the glass to his mouth and took a long sip.
But then his eyes became round in surprise. He gasped, jumped up in his chair, opened his mouth and, grabbing a napkin, began coughing and spitting.
Our parents asked him:
-What happened to you?
Dad's boss couldn't say anything out of fear.
He pointed his fingers at his mouth, hummed and glanced at his glass, not without fear.
Here everyone present began to look with interest at the tea remaining in the glass.
Mom, after tasting this tea, said:
– Don’t be afraid, there is ordinary butter floating here, which has melted in hot tea.
Dad said:
– Yes, but it’s interesting to know how it got into the tea. Come on, children, share your observations with us.
Having received permission to speak, Lelya said:
“Minka was heating oil over a glass, and it fell.
Here Lyolya, unable to bear it, laughed loudly.
Some of the guests also laughed. And some began to examine their glasses with a serious and concerned look. Dad's boss said:
“I’m also grateful that they put butter in my tea.” They could fly in the ointment. I wonder how I'd feel if it was tar... Well, these kids are driving me crazy.
One of the guests said:
– I’m interested in something else. The children saw that the oil fell into the tea. However, they didn't tell anyone about it. And they allowed me to drink this tea. And this is their main crime.
Hearing these words, my father’s boss exclaimed:
- Oh, really, ugly children, why didn’t you tell me anything? I wouldn't drink this tea then.
Lelya stopped laughing and said:
“Dad didn’t tell us to talk at the table.” That's why we didn't say anything.
I wiped my tears and muttered:
“Dad didn’t tell us to say a single word.” Otherwise we would have said something.
Dad smiled and said:
- These are not nasty children, but stupid ones. Of course, on the one hand, it’s good that they unquestioningly follow orders. We must continue to do the same - follow orders and adhere to the rules that exist. But all this must be done wisely. If nothing had happened, you had a sacred duty to remain silent. Oil got into the tea or grandma forgot to turn off the tap on the samovar - you need to shout. And instead of punishment, you would receive gratitude. Everything must be done taking into account the changed situation. And you need to write these words in golden letters in your heart. Otherwise it will be absurd.
Mom said:
– Or, for example, I don’t tell you to leave the apartment. Suddenly there is a fire. Why are you stupid children going to hang around in the apartment until you burn out? On the contrary, you need to jump out of the apartment and cause a commotion.
Grandmother said:
– Or, for example, I poured everyone a second glass of tea. But I didn’t pour a drink for Lelya. So did I do the right thing?
Here everyone, except Lyolya, laughed. And dad said:
– You didn’t do the right thing, because the situation has changed again. It turned out that the children were not to blame. And if they are guilty, it is of stupidity. Well, you shouldn’t be punished for stupidity. We’ll ask you, grandma, to pour some tea for Lelya.
All the guests laughed. And Lelya and I applauded.
But I, perhaps, did not immediately understand my father’s words. But later I understood and appreciated these golden words.
And these words, dear children, I have always adhered to in all cases of life. And in your personal affairs. And in war. And even, imagine, in my work.
In my work, for example, I learned from the great old masters. And I was very tempted to write according to the rules by which they wrote.
But I saw that the situation had changed. Life and the public are no longer what they were when they were there. And that's why I didn't imitate their rules.
And maybe that’s why I didn’t bring people so much grief. And to some extent he was happy.
However, even in ancient times, one wise man (who was being led to execution) said: “No one can be called happy before his death.”
These were also golden words.
Galoshes and ice cream
When I was little, I really loved ice cream. Of course, I still love him. But then it was something special - I loved ice cream so much.
And when, for example, an ice cream maker with his cart was driving down the street, I immediately began to feel dizzy: I wanted so much to eat what the ice cream maker was selling.
And my sister Lelya also exclusively loved ice cream.
And she and I dreamed that when we grew up big, we would eat ice cream at least three, or even four times a day.
But at that time we very rarely ate ice cream. Our mother did not allow us to eat it. She was afraid that we would catch a cold and get sick. And for this reason she did not give us money for ice cream.
And then one summer Lelya and I were walking in our garden. And Lelya found a galosh in the bushes. An ordinary rubber galosh. And very worn and torn. Someone must have thrown it because it burst.
So Lyolya found this galosh and put it on a stick for fun. And he walks around the garden, waving this stick over his head.
Suddenly a rag picker walks down the street. He shouts: “I’m buying bottles, cans, rags!”
Seeing that Lelya was holding a galosh on a stick, the rag picker said to Lelya:
- Hey, girl, are you selling galoshes?
Lyolya thought that this was some kind of game, and answered the rag picker:
- Yes, I’m selling. This galosh costs a hundred rubles.
The rag picker laughed and said:
- No, one hundred rubles is too expensive for this galosh. But if you want, girl, I’ll give you two kopecks for it, and you and I will part as friends.
And with these words, the rag picker pulled out his wallet from his pocket, gave Lelya two kopecks, put our torn galoshes into his bag and left.
Lelya and I realized that this was not a game, but in reality. And they were very surprised.
The rag picker has long since left, and we stand and look at our coin.
Suddenly an ice cream man walks down the street and shouts:
- Strawberry ice cream!
Lelya and I ran to the ice cream man, bought two scoops from him for a penny, ate them instantly and began to regret that we had sold our galoshes so cheaply.
The next day Lelya says to me:
– Minka, today I decided to sell another galosh to the rag picker.
I was delighted and said:
- Lelya, did you find a galosh in the bushes again?
Lelya says:
“There’s nothing else in the bushes.” But in our hallway there are probably, I think, at least fifteen galoshes. If we sell one, it won’t hurt us.
And with these words Lyolya ran to the dacha and soon appeared in the garden with one rather good and almost brand new galosh.
Lelya said:
“If a rag picker bought from us for two kopecks the same kind of rags that we sold him last time, then for this almost brand new galosh he will probably give at least a ruble.” I can imagine how much ice cream I could buy with that money.
We waited for a whole hour for the rag picker to appear, and when we finally saw him, Lelya told me:
- Minka, this time you sell your galoshes. You are a man, and you are talking to a rag picker. Otherwise he’ll give me two kopecks again. And this is too little for you and me.
I put a galosh on the stick and began to wave the stick over my head.
The rag picker approached the garden and asked:
- What, galoshes are on sale again?
I whispered barely audibly:
- For sale.
The rag picker, examining the galoshes, said:
- What a pity, children, that you sell me everything one overshoe at a time. I'll give you a penny for this one galosh. And if you sold me two galoshes at once, you would receive twenty, or even thirty kopecks. Because two galoshes are immediately more necessary for people. And this makes them jump in price.
Lelya told me:
- Minka, run to the dacha and bring another galosh from the hallway.
I ran home and soon brought some very large overshoes.
The rag picker put these two galoshes side by side on the grass and, sighing sadly, said:
- No, children, you are completely upsetting me with your trading. One is a lady's galoshes, the other is from a man's foot, judge for yourself: what do I need such galoshes for? I wanted to give you a penny for one overshoe, but, having put two overshoes together, I see that this will not happen, since the matter has worsened from the addition. Get four kopecks for two galoshes, and we will part as friends.
Lelya wanted to run home to bring some more galoshes, but at that moment her mother’s voice was heard. It was my mother who called us home, because my mother’s guests wanted to say goodbye to us. The rag picker, seeing our confusion, said:
- So, friends, for these two galoshes you could get four kopecks, but instead you will get three kopecks, I deduct one kopeck for wasting my time on empty conversation with children.
The rag picker gave Lelya three kopeck coins and, hiding the galoshes in a bag, left.
Lelya and I immediately ran home and began to say goodbye to my mother’s guests: Aunt Olya and Uncle Kolya, who were already getting dressed in the hallway.
Suddenly Aunt Olya said:
- What a strange thing! One of my galoshes is here, under the hanger, but for some reason the second one is missing.
Lelya and I turned pale. And they stood motionless.
Aunt Olya said:
– I remember very well that I came in two galoshes. And now there is only one, and where the second one is is unknown.
Uncle Kolya, who was also looking for his galoshes, said:
- What nonsense is in the sieve! I also remember very well that I came in two galoshes, however, my second galoshes were also missing.
Hearing these words, Lelya, out of excitement, unclenched her fist in which she had money, and three kopeck coins fell to the floor with a clang.
Dad, who also saw off the guests, asked:
- Lelya, where did you get this money?
Lelya started to lie something, but dad said:
– What could be worse than a lie!
Then Lelya began to cry. And I cried too. And we said:
– We sold two galoshes to a rag picker to buy ice cream.
Dad said:
- Worse than a lie is what you did.
Hearing that the galoshes were sold to a rag picker, Aunt Olya turned pale and began to stagger. And Uncle Kolya also staggered and grabbed his heart with his hand. But dad told them:
– Don’t worry, Aunt Olya and Uncle Kolya, I know what we need to do so that you are not left without galoshes. I’ll take all of Lelya’s and Minka’s toys, sell them to the rag picker, and with the proceeds we’ll buy you new galoshes.
Lelya and I roared when we heard this verdict. But dad said:
- That's not all. For two years I have forbidden Lela and Minka from eating ice cream. And after two years they can eat it, but every time they eat ice cream, let them remember this sad story, and every time let them think whether they deserve this sweet.
That same day, dad collected all our toys, called a rag picker and sold him everything we had. And with the money received, our father bought galoshes for Aunt Olya and Uncle Kolya.
And now, children, many years have passed since then. For the first two years, Lelya and I really never ate ice cream. And then we began to eat it, and every time we ate it, we involuntarily remembered what happened to us.
And even now, children, when I have become quite an adult and even a little old, even now, sometimes, when eating ice cream, I feel some kind of tightness and some kind of awkwardness in my throat. And at the same time, every time, out of my childhood habit, I think: “Did I deserve this sweet, did I lie or deceive someone?”
Nowadays, many people eat ice cream, because we have entire huge factories in which this pleasant dish is made.
Thousands of people and even millions eat ice cream, and I, children, would really like all people, when eating ice cream, to think about what I think about when I eat this sweet thing.
We were tormented by nostalgia for childhood and we decided to find for you the most interesting funny stories that we ourselves read with pleasure as children.
Demonstration child
Once upon a time there lived a little boy Pavlik in Leningrad. He had a mother. And there was dad. And there was a grandmother.
And in addition, a cat named Bubenchik lived in their apartment.
This morning dad went to work. Mom left too. And Pavlik stayed with his grandmother.
And my grandmother was terribly old. And she loved to sleep in the chair.
So dad left. And mom left. Grandmother sat down in a chair. And Pavlik began to play on the floor with his cat. He wanted her to walk on her hind legs. But she didn't want to. And she meowed very pitifully.
Suddenly a bell rang on the stairs.
Grandmother and Pavlik went to open the doors.
It's the postman.
He brought a letter.
Pavlik took the letter and said:
“I’ll tell dad myself.”
The postman has left. Pavlik wanted to play with his cat again. And suddenly he sees that the cat is nowhere to be found.
Pavlik says to his grandmother:
- Grandma, that’s the number - our Bubenchik has disappeared.
Grandma says:
“Bubenchik probably ran up the stairs when we opened the door for the postman.”
Pavlik says:
- No, it was probably the postman who took my Bubenchik. He probably gave us the letter on purpose and took my trained cat for himself. It was a cunning postman.
Grandmother laughed and said jokingly:
- Tomorrow the postman will come, we will give him this letter and in return we will take our cat back from him.
So the grandmother sat down in a chair and fell asleep.
And Pavlik put on his coat and hat, took the letter and quietly went out onto the stairs.
“It’s better,” he thinks, “I’ll give the letter to the postman now. And now I’d better take my cat from him.”
So Pavlik went out into the yard. And he sees that there is no postman in the yard.
Pavlik went outside. And he walked down the street. And he sees that there is no postman anywhere on the street either.
Suddenly some red-haired lady says:
- Oh, look, everyone, what a little baby is walking alone down the street! He probably lost his mother and got lost. Oh, call the policeman quickly!
Here comes a policeman with a whistle. His aunt tells him:
- Look at this little boy of about five who got lost.
The policeman says:
- This boy is holding a letter in his pen. This letter probably contains the address where he lives. We will read this address and deliver the child home. It's good that he took the letter with him.
Auntie says:
– In America, many parents deliberately put letters in their children’s pockets so that they don’t get lost.
And with these words, the aunt wants to take a letter from Pavlik. Pavlik tells her:
– Why are you worried? I know where I live.
The aunt was surprised that the boy told her so boldly. And from excitement I almost fell into a puddle.
Then he says:
- Look how lively the boy is. Let him then tell us where he lives.
Pavlik answers:
– Fontanka Street, eight.
The policeman looked at the letter and said:
- Wow, this is a fighting child - he knows where he lives.
Auntie says to Pavlik:
– What’s your name and who is your dad?
Pavlik says:
- My dad is a driver. Mom went to the store. Grandma is sleeping in a chair. And my name is Pavlik.
The policeman laughed and said:
– This is a fighting, demonstrative child - he knows everything. He'll probably be a police chief when he grows up.
The aunt says to the policeman:
- Take this boy home.
The policeman says to Pavlik:
- Well, little comrade, let's go home.
Pavlik says to the policeman:
“Give me your hand and I’ll take you to my house.” This is my beautiful home.
Here the policeman laughed. And the red-haired aunt laughed too.
The policeman said:
– This is an exceptionally combative, demonstrative child. Not only does he know everything, he also wants to take me home. This child will certainly be the chief of police.
So the policeman gave his hand to Pavlik, and they went home.
As soon as they reached their house, suddenly their mother was coming.
Mom was surprised to see Pavlik walking down the street, picked him up and brought him home.
At home she scolded him a little. She said:
- Oh, you nasty boy, why did you run into the street?
Pavlik said:
– I wanted to take my Bubenchik from the postman. Otherwise my little bell disappeared, and probably the postman took it.
Mom said:
- What nonsense! Postmen never take cats. There's your little bell sitting on the closet.
Pavlik says:
- That's the number. Look where my trained cat jumped.
Mom says:
“You, nasty boy, must have been tormenting her, so she climbed onto the closet.”
Suddenly grandma woke up.
Grandmother, not knowing what happened, says to mother:
– Today Pavlik behaved very quietly and well. And he didn't even wake me up. We should give him candy for this.
Mom says:
“You don’t need to give him candy, but put him in the corner with his nose.” He ran outside today.
Grandma says:
- That's the number.
Suddenly dad comes. Dad wanted to get angry, why did the boy run out into the street? But Pavlik gave dad a letter.
Dad says:
– This letter is not to me, but to my grandmother.
So the grandmother put her glasses on her nose and began to read the letter.
Then she says:
– In Moscow, my youngest daughter gave birth to another child.
Pavlik says:
– Probably, a fighting child was born. And he will probably be the chief of police.
Then everyone laughed and sat down to dinner.
The first course was soup with rice. For the second course - cutlets. For the third there was jelly.
The cat Bubenchik watched Pavlik eat from her closet for a long time. Then I couldn’t stand it and decided to eat a little too.
She jumped from the closet to the chest of drawers, from the chest of drawers to the chair, from the chair to the floor.
And then Pavlik gave her a little soup and a little jelly.
And the cat was very happy with it.
Stupid story
Petya was not such a little boy. He was four years old. But his mother considered him a very tiny child. She spoon-fed him, took him for walks by the hand, and dressed him herself in the morning.
Then one day Petya woke up in his bed.
And his mother began to dress him.
So she dressed him and put him on his legs near the bed. But Petya suddenly fell.
Mom thought he was being naughty and put him back on his feet. But he fell again.
Mom was surprised and placed it near the crib for the third time. But the child fell again.
Mom got scared and called dad at the service on the phone.
She told dad:
- Come home quickly. Something happened to our boy - he can’t stand on his legs.
So dad comes and says:
- Nonsense. Our boy walks and runs well, and it’s impossible for him to fall.
And he immediately puts the boy on the carpet. The boy wants to go to his toys, but again, for the fourth time, he falls.
Dad says:
- We need to call the doctor quickly. Our boy must have fallen ill. He probably ate too much candy yesterday.
The doctor was called.
A doctor comes in with glasses and a pipe.
The doctor says to Petya:
- What kind of news is this! Why are you falling?
Petya says:
“I don’t know why, but I’m falling a little.”
The doctor says to mom:
- Come on, undress this child, I’ll examine him now.
Mom undressed Petya, and the doctor began to listen to him.
The doctor listened to him through the tube and said:
– The child is completely healthy. And it’s surprising why it falls for you. Come on, put him on again and put him on his feet.
So the mother quickly dresses the boy and puts him on the floor.
And the doctor puts glasses on his nose to better see how the boy falls. As soon as the boy was put on his feet, he suddenly fell again.
The doctor was surprised and said:
- Call the professor. Maybe the professor will figure out why this child is falling.
Dad went to call the professor, and at that moment a little boy Kolya comes to visit Petya.
Kolya looked at Petya, laughed and said:
- And I know why Petya falls down.
Doctor says:
“Look, what a learned little fellow there is—he knows better than I why children fall.”
Kolya says:
- Look how Petya is dressed. One of his pants legs is hanging loose, and both legs are stuck in the other. That's why he falls.
Here everyone oohed and groaned.
Petya says:
- It was my mother who dressed me.
Doctor says:
- There is no need to call the professor. Now we understand why the child falls.
Mom says:
“In the morning I was in a hurry to cook porridge for him, but now I was very worried, and that’s why I put on his pants so wrong.”
Kolya says:
“But I always dress myself, and such stupid things don’t happen to my legs.” Adults always get things wrong.
Petya says:
“Now I’ll dress myself too.”
Then everyone laughed. And the doctor laughed. He said goodbye to everyone and also said goodbye to Kolya. And he went about his business.
Dad went to work. Mom went to the kitchen.
And Kolya and Petya remained in the room. And they started playing with toys.
And the next day Petya put on his pants himself, and no more stupid stories happened to him.
I am not guilty
We sit at the table and eat pancakes.
Suddenly my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I'm crying.
Father with glasses. He looks serious. Beard. Nevertheless, he laughs. He says:
– You see how greedy he is. He feels sorry for one pancake for his father.
I speak:
- One pancake, please eat. I thought you would eat everything.
They bring soup. I speak:
- Dad, do you want my soup?
Dad says:
- No, I'll wait until they bring the sweets. Now, if you give me something sweet, then you are really a good boy.
Thinking that cranberry jelly with milk for dessert, I say:
- Please. You can eat my sweets.
Suddenly they bring a cream that I am partial to.
Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:
- Please eat, if you are so greedy.
The father frowns and leaves the table.
Mother says:
- Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.
I speak:
- I will not go. I am not guilty.
I leave the table without touching the sweets.
In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer with cream in his hands.
Father says:
- Well, why didn’t you eat your cream?
I speak:
- Dad, let's eat it in half. Why should we quarrel over this?
My father kisses me and spoon-feeds me cream.
The most important
Once upon a time there lived a boy named Andryusha Ryzhenky. He was a cowardly boy. He was afraid of everything. He was afraid of dogs, cows, geese, mice, spiders and even roosters.
But most of all he was afraid of other people's boys.
And this boy’s mother was very, very sad that she had such a cowardly son.
One fine morning this boy’s mother said to him:
- Oh, how bad it is that you are afraid of everything! Only brave people live well in the world. Only they defeat enemies, put out fires and fly airplanes bravely. And that's why everyone loves brave people. And everyone respects them. They give them gifts and give them orders and medals. And no one likes cowards. They laugh and make fun of them. And this makes their life bad, boring and uninteresting.
The boy Andryusha answered his mother like this:
- From now on, mom, I decided to be a brave person. And with these words Andryusha went into the yard for a walk. And in the yard the boys were playing football. These boys usually offended Andryusha.
And he was afraid of them like fire. And he always ran away from them. But today he didn't run away. He shouted to them:
- Hey, boys! Today I am not afraid of you! The boys were surprised that Andryusha shouted to them so boldly. And they even got a little scared themselves. And even one of them - Sanka Palochkin - said:
- Today Andryushka Ryzhenky is planning something against us. Let's better leave, otherwise we'll probably get hit by him.
But the boys didn't leave. One pulled Andryusha’s nose. Another knocked his cap off his head. The third boy poked Andryusha with his fist. In short, they beat Andryusha a little. And he returned home with a roar.
And at home, wiping away his tears, Andryusha said to his mother:
- Mom, I was brave today, but nothing good came of it.
Mom said:
- A stupid boy. It is not enough to just be brave, you must also be strong. Nothing can be done with courage alone.
And then Andryusha, unnoticed by his mother, took his grandmother’s stick and went into the yard with this stick. I thought: “Now I’ll be stronger than usual.” Now I will disperse the boys in different directions if they attack me.”
Andryusha went out into the yard with a stick. And there were no more boys in the yard.
There was a black dog walking there, which Andryusha was always afraid of.
Waving a stick, Andryusha said to this dog: “Just try to bark at me - you’ll get what you deserve.” You'll know what a stick is when it walks over your head.
The dog began to bark and rush at Andryusha. Waving a stick, Andryusha hit the dog on the head twice, but it ran behind him and tore Andryusha’s pants a little.
And Andryusha ran home with a roar. And at home, wiping away tears, he said to his mother:
- Mom, how is this so? I was strong and brave today, but nothing good came of it. The dog tore my pants and almost bit me.
Mom said:
- Oh, you stupid boy! It's not enough to be brave and strong. You also need to be smart. We need to think and think. And you acted stupidly. You waved a stick and this angered the dog. That's why she tore your pants. It's your fault.
Andryusha told his mother: “From now on, I will think every time something happens.”
And so Andryusha Ryzhenky went out for a walk for the third time. But there was no longer a dog in the yard. And there were no boys either.
Then Andryusha Ryzhenky went outside to see where the boys were.
And the boys swam in the river. And Andryusha began to watch them bathe.
And at that moment one boy, Sanka Palochkin, choked in the water and began to shout:
- Oh, help me, I’m drowning!
And the boys were afraid that he was drowning, and ran to call the adults to save Sanka.
Andryusha Ryzhenky shouted to Sanka:
- Wait until you drown! I'll save you now.
Andryusha wanted to throw himself into the water, but then he thought: “Oh, I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t have the strength to save Sanka. I’ll do something smarter: I’ll get in the boat and row the boat to Sanka.”
And right at the shore there was a fishing boat. Andryusha pushed this boat away from the shore and jumped into it himself.
And there were oars in the boat. Andryusha began to hit the water with these oars. But it didn’t work out for him: he didn’t know how to row. And the current carried the fishing boat to the middle of the river. And Andryusha began to scream out of fear.
And at that moment another boat was floating along the river. And there were people sitting in this boat.
These people saved Sanya Palochkin. And, besides, these people caught up with the fishing boat, took it in tow and brought it to the shore.
Andryusha went home and at home, wiping away his tears, he said to his mother:
- Mom, I was brave today, I wanted to save the boy. I was smart today because I didn’t throw myself into the water, but swam in a boat. Today I was strong because I pushed a heavy boat away from the shore and pounded the water with heavy oars. But it didn't work out for me.
Mom said:
- A stupid boy! I forgot to tell you the most important thing. It is not enough to be brave, smart and strong. This is too little. You still need to have knowledge. You must be able to row, be able to swim, ride a horse, fly an airplane. There is a lot to know. You need to know arithmetic and algebra, chemistry and geometry. And in order to know all this, you need to study. He who studies becomes smart. And whoever is smart must be brave. And everyone loves the brave and smart because they defeat enemies, put out fires, save people and fly airplanes.
Andryusha said:
- From now on I will learn everything.
And mom said:
- That's good.
The work “The Aristocrat” touches on the topic of misunderstanding between women and men in a humorous manner. The author describes the discrepancy between the real concept of aristocracy and the imaginary one and the difference in social inequality
Grandma's gift
The story is told from the perspective of the boy Minka and the author. The boy has a grandmother who loves him very much. His sister Lela is treated colder.
Trouble
In this humorous story, trouble actually happens to the main character... but in a way that is “laughter and sin.” And everything happens at the very end.
Poor Fedya
In Zoshchenko's story "Poor Fedya" we are talking about a nine-year-old pupil of an orphanage who never played with the children, but sat quietly and sadly on a bench.
Great Travelers
Zoshchenko's story Great Travelers is written about the adventure of children. It is written in a light, humorous manner, which allows children to read such stories quickly and with interest. It's about boys
Meeting
In Zoshchenko's story The Meeting, the narration is told in the first person. The main character tells an incident from his life. He loves people very much. Some groom and cherish dogs, but he prefers people, but he has never met anyone who is completely unselfish.
Galoshes
In this story by Zoshchenko, the main character actually loses his galosh. This tragic event happened on a tram, that is, in fact, a trifle, but unpleasant. And the hero turned to a special office where lost things can be found
Stupid story
This story presents a truly stupid story, but the reader learns about its absurd reason in the ending. At first it may seem scary and very serious.
Blue Book
The Blue Book was written at the request of Gorky. The book talks about the ordinary everyday life of ordinary people, it consists of short stories and is written in simple and ordinary language filled with jargon.
Christmas tree
Before the holiday, he and his sister see a beautiful, luxurious Christmas tree. First, the children decided to eat one piece of candy, then another one.
Gold words
Lelya and Minka, brother and sister, love to have dinner with their parents’ guests. On such evenings, various delicious dishes are placed on the table, and adults tell stories from their lives that children love to listen to.
Disease history
In this story by Mikhail Zoshchenko, written in the first person (with a vivid narrator style), the hero unexpectedly ends up in the hospital. Instead of comfort, treatment and even rest, he plunges headlong into the world of bureaucracy
Carousel
The main character of the work is a village boy who came to the city for the May Day holidays.
Witch
The story of Zoshchenko the Sorcerer tells about the life of peasant families in villages. A comparison is made: against the backdrop of the existence of electricity, steam, and sewing machines, sorcerers and magicians continue to exist
Nakhodka
The main characters of the book are Minka and Lelya. One day Lelya and Minka decided to play pranks and put a frog and a spider in a candy box. Then they wrapped the box like a gift with a blue ribbon
Do not lie
This story is one of the stories about the author's childhood. The main characters are the author himself - Minka and his sister Lelya. The little brother is still learning about the world around him, and Lelya is playing pranks again.
Monkey tongue
The most important
One boy, Andryusha Ryzhenky, was very cowardly. He was afraid of all animals, and most of all of the boys in the yard. The boy's mother was very worried that her son was a coward. She explained to Andryusha that life for cowardly people is bad, boring and uninteresting.
Scientist Monkey
Story by M.M. Zoshchenko's "The Learned Monkey" tells the story of a clown who had a learned monkey. This monkey could count and show with its tail the number of objects, animals, birds that it saw.
